Word choice matters...

One of the best lessons that I have learned from The Courage to Heal, is that I am not a victim, I am a survivor.  Victims are folk who died as a result of their abuse (either directly at the hands of abusers or indirectly by losing their personal battle dealing with the trauma).  Think about it ... do we call those who are on the other side of a cancer diagnosis a cancer victim?  No, we call them survivors.  They fought their battle and won.  The same is true with those who are on the other side of sexual abuse.  We are survivors.

So, it was with large dismay that I read this article regarding the mistrial declared in the rape conviction of the Vanderbilt football players because it was revealed that one of the jurors was a sexual abuse "victim."  No!  He is a sexual abuse "survivor"!  What really disturbed me is the idea that no one who has survived the experience can be considered a "peer" for a jury trial.

Not in this article, but another one I read (and cannot track down at the moment) quoted a defense attorney saying that no one with a history of sexual abuse should be on such a jury.  My first thought was:  Good luck with that.  One in four females, one in seven males ... those are the stats on the reported sexual abuse.  It is generally agreed that the vast majority of sexual abuse goes unreported for a wide variety of reasons.  There is nowhere in this country where you will find a group of peers that do not include survivors of sexual abuse.

Look at the juror ... once a sexual abuse "victim" always a "victim" in the eyes of the law ... of society ... of certainly the medical field.  No wonder sexual abuse survivors do not wish for the burden of that label.  Silence is not healthy, but in some ways it does offer a protection of further deepening the wounds you bear.  I am wholeheartedly against advocating for silence.  But I understand it.  I was silent myself.

Word choice matters.  A clear sign that our nation, our society, has finally taken the first step toward understanding sexual abuse will be when those who come out on the other side are called "survivors," not "victims."  Labeling a person a victim is not helpful in any fashion; it does not foster healing and hope.  It also only further denotes that the person is somehow irrevocably incapable of something as simple as sitting in a jury box, listening to evidence, and be trusted to weigh the evidence against the strictures of the law ... just like any other person in the jury box.

If any of the jury members stepped forward and said that the jurist tainted or twisted deliberations, then I would absolutely agreed that a mistrial is in order.  Jury tampering is illegal, after all.  And, to a degree, the jurists did lie by not fully answering the question about sexual abuse history:  "Yes, I have survived it, but I am not a victim.  Having survived sexual abuse does not mean that I am incapable of fulfilling the duties of a jurist."  But it was not just the mistrial that is disturbing to me.  It is the label of victim and ensuing dismissal of the impartiality of the jurists.  That jurist was judged and found guilty of impartiality without any evidence to support the case.  Just as I have, since I, too, am a sexual abuse survivor.  As are millions of Americans.

Look around you.
Everywhere you go.
We are here.
Surviving.
And with much still to offer.